The Skeletal Mind

TW: discussions of past suicidal ideations I have come to the realisation lately that I have a whole lifetime stretched ahead of me. I spent most of my adolescent years solidly convinced I wasn't going to hit the age of 21. I was sure that by then, my depression would have overwhelmed me to the point that I would choose to end my life. Suicide wasn't a possibility - it was a certainty, a depressing but inevitable exit to the tunnel that was my life. I am 21 now, only a couple of months shy of 22, and I'm still alive. This is something that would have been a great shock to my younger self, and if you'd told me a few years ago that not only would I survive to the age of 21 but I would actually start to recover and feel hopeful again, I would have nodded and smiled and in my head absolutely refused to believe you. I know people say life is short, but when you're convinced you have much less of it than other people and then it suddenly turns out you have decades lon...

I am one of those people who always seems to never be able to keep friendships. I have very few friends that I’ve known for more than 5 years, and that’s pushing it. I’m no longer in contact with anyone that was in my friendship group at primary school, or secondary school, and I have kept exactly one friend from sixth form. Even when it come to university, which I left less than two years ago, I am only in regular contact with one person. I spent a lot of time wondering why this was when I was younger – am I inherently unlikable? Was I only friends with these people because of proximity, rather than any real connection? Does everyone secretly hate me? (That one pops up a lot). I think I’ve finally come up with an answer. I struggle with debilitating mental illness, and one part of that which quite heavily affects my life is how it changes my perception of time. While initially that doesn’t sound like it would be a huge problem, the issue is that it strongly affects how often...